How to Start a Goals of Care Conversation with Your Doctor—And Why You Shouldn’t Wait!

Talking to your doctor about your values, wishes, and priorities for future care might feel intimidating—but it’s one of the most important conversations you can have. The earlier you start, the more control you have over your care, especially if your health changes. You don’t need to be seriously ill to talk about goals of care. In fact, the best time to start is before there’s a crisis.

Here’s how you can take the lead in starting and continuing these conversations—and why it’s worth doing.

Why These Conversations Matter

Your doctor knows your medical history, but they don’t know what matters most to you unless you tell them. Whether you care most about staying independent, avoiding pain, spending time with family, or something else entirely, those priorities should shape your care plan.

Waiting until you're very sick—or in the hospital—is not ideal. In those moments, it’s harder to think clearly, and you might not be able to speak for yourself. Starting early gives you a voice in the decisions that will affect your future.

How to Start the Conversation

You don’t need the perfect words. Just let your doctor know you want to talk about what matters to you. Here are a few simple ways to begin:

• “I’d like to talk about my goals for care as I get older or if my health changes. Can we set aside some time for that?”

• “If I were to get very sick, I’d want to make sure my care matches my values. Can we talk about what that might look like?”

• “I’ve been thinking about the kind of care I’d want if something unexpected happened. I’d like to share that with you.”

You can also bring up specific concerns:

• “I saw a family member go through a long hospital stay, and I don’t think that’s what I’d want for myself. Can we talk about options?”

What to Talk About

These conversations don’t need to be long or one-time events. You can start with a few key points:

• What matters most to you in life (independence, time with family, quality of life)

• What you would want—or not want—if you became seriously ill

• Who you’d want to speak for you if you couldn’t speak for yourself (a healthcare proxy)

You don’t need all the answers. It’s okay to say, “I’m not sure yet, but I’d like to start thinking about it.”

Keep Advocating for Yourself

If the conversation gets brushed aside or doesn’t go the way you hoped, don’t stop there. Follow up. Ask again. Bring it up at your next appointment. You have every right to make sure your care reflects your values.

Write down your thoughts. Share them with your doctor, your family, and anyone who might need to speak for you one day. The more people who understand your goals, the more likely you are to get the kind of care you want.

Final Word

You don’t need to wait for your doctor to bring this up. Your voice matters—and starting the conversation puts you in the driver’s seat of your care. Speak up early, check in often, and keep the conversation going. Your future self will thank you.

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